Hello this Rebecca Shisler Marshall and welcome to episode 87. I’m so glad to be here and I missed being here last week! I had one of those weeks where it was clear that the kindest thing to do for myself was to take time, nap, rest, meditate, go to the woods, and be in stillness. I was processing lots of emotions and sensations in the body. Big energy was rolling through and I really didn’t want to miss being there for myself. So I was. And now I’m back.
Today’s top is a big one- Self-trust. I just recorded a video for the Self-Trust summit for later this month, and it was so much fun to think about how this has changed for me over the years and what I see with my clients. Interestingly, I used to think of self-trust as the ability to trust myself when/IF I made the “right” answers or to choose the right thing. That I knew what I did was “right” then I could trust myself. Confidence is all of my decisions. Whew- what I see now is that belief was simply residue from my past perfectionism. I really wanted to know the “right” answer and the “right” decision, which isn’t possible.
If that isn’t self-trust what is? It’s no surprise that I see self-trust as something holistic and multi-modal. It involves multiple pieces that really I didn’t see until recently.
The first aspect of self-trust resides in the body. For many years, I had such trouble making decisions because I had been taught to look to other people first and make choices based on pleasing others. I didn’t have an internal compass for what I wanted. I would make lists of pros and cons, but never really know what I wanted. Years ago I was introduced to the body compass after training as a Wayfinder life coach and learned how to tune into the wisdom that my body has to offer. This moved my trust from my mind and my overdeveloped analytical skills to my heart and my body. This was a game changer for me, and taught me the very foundational skill necessary to trust myself. In shamanism, a similar feeling or process is called the truth cord, and again it resides in the body. Both of these tools involve looking within and using the physical sensations in the body to determine decisions or what’s next. I have found this extremely useful for everything from what I want to eat, when to rest, all the way to making major life decisions.
Another critical component to trusting yourself, is practicing rest and stillness. This is where deep listening occurs and helps you to know what your heart and soul really want. In my experience this stillness is a critical component to listening to the wisdom of my body and heart. Side note, that when we get less sleep, the amygdala is very activated and then everything feels so much harder. When there is rest and stillness there is space, you are nourished, and this flows into the next aspect.
Another important aspect of self-trust that is so important is self-compassion. For everyone I’ve ever met (including myself), we have a critical and conditioned voice in the head that says really mean and unkind things to us. Sometimes this voice feels like it is coming from ourselves, but it’s actually a mixture from our childhood and society that leaves us with an overly critical and judgmental voice in our head. Self-compassion is the practice of kindness towards ourselves, and turning your attention to the feelings, experiences, and love for yourself. This can translate into knowing that you have your back no matter what you choose or how other people react. This is huge when you want something that is different from what society says is “appropriate/normal/expected.” This self-compassion also includes being in relationship with yourself- if you say you are going to do something to take care of yourself, then doing that thing is going to build your own self trust. So often we say we are going to take a nap, or take time for lunch outside, and then the day hits and bam, we’ve forgotten. Self-compassion is listening to what your body, mind, and spirit need and then actually doing it. One way to help make this easier is taking small steps. This can mean 1 minute of meditation, or going to bed 5 minutes earlier. Each time you show up for yourself in this way, you build your self-trust.
Finally, another critical component of self-trust is building a relationship with your team of guides. This sounds opposite of trusting yourself, but it really goes back to resting, being still, and allowing wisdom not only from your heart and mind, but life or intuition or guides to drop in what’s next.
When you use your body and heart wisdom, rest, self-compassion, and your guides, the world becomes like a game of warmer/colder! Remember that game? When you are trying to find something and the other person says, You are getting warmer, hotter! Now you are on fire! That is what self-trust is all about. Listening to the sensations, messages of what feels warmer and warmer for you. And if things feel colder- that’s ok, you just start moving and taking action until they start getting warmer. This is how you learn how to trust yourself. It’s growing the muscle of self-trust. If you don’t feel like you have a solid self-trust, it’s totally possible to practice this skill.
Ok loves, I’d love for you to take a step toward self-trust. One of the best places to build the muscle of self-trust is in my community, A Place to Rest. We have our next energy session to take your rest to a deeper level on Friday May 6th. I’d love to have you join us. Ok dear ones, take good care of yourself.
Let’s build your self-trust, change your relationship with rest, your guides, and yourself. Join A Place to Rest community today!