For days, I’ve been thinking that this podcast was going to be about the winter solstice, and the return of the light. I kept coming back to it, but energetically, it felt a little off. Again this morning, my mind was trying to figure out talking about the solstice for this episode. Then I went to the woods, and I was able to get clear. When my mind quieted down, I was able to hear my heart. My mind had a certain way to talk about the solstice, about what it is and the seasons, but my heart wanted to talk about another topic. My heart wanted to make sure you know that there is nothing wrong with you.
And as I was in the woods, I saw how they were both true (and of course while I was thinking this it a deer was right in front of me, which is usually a sign from my guides that this is important). The fact that there is nothing wrong with you is about the solstice; the solstice is about not just the return to light in the physical world, it’s about the darkness and light that we all have in ourselves. This darkness of not believing we are enough, of thinking there is some inherent flaw in who we are. And for everyone that flaw may seem different, but for many of us it usually comes down to the belief that we are not good enough or the belief that there is something wrong.
And in that tension between the divine light that we are and the darkness of the external messages lies the shadow of who we are. In the past I’ve had a difficulty time grasping shadow, but now I understand it a little better. What I see is that shadow is a part of us, just as the light is. With these two parts, shadow and light are the two sides of the same coin. The two together is who we are. It’s what makes up our being.
This shadow side is the belief that we are not good enough or there is something wrong with us either because of the conditioning of our surroundings, of our family, of teachers, of society, of the environment, of the media. All of that goes into us not thinking we are good enough, or that there is something wrong with us. You see an ad or social media for the super skinny, flawless, certain kind of image of a woman and believe if you are not that, then there is something wrong with you. Or if you see someone with a certain job or a certain amount of money, someone who is able to stay patient with their kids even when the kids are yelling at them, there is something wrong if we aren’t that (whatever it is).
My shadow is seriousness. I can be very serious if I don’t come back to my heart and that’s a part of me. I don’t push it away, I see it. I use it as a reminder. But for many years, there were many parts of my that I tried to push away that I wanted to change. It wasn’t until I brought them into awareness, compassion, and acceptance that I had the opportunity to change (if i wanted to). This is one of my super powers: acceptance, non judgement and compassion. I lose my cool with my kids. And I know what is going on with it usually: I didn’t get enough sleep, i had too much sugar, I haven’t moved my body, I haven’t had enough alone time, i haven’t asked for what I truly need, or the situation just flat out sucks. So there is compassion and then there is the desire to do something different. I want to not snap at my kids, or I want to not eat the big bowl of ice cream when or the glass of wine. I accept that is what I’m doing, I bring compassion to myself, and I see what I really want in my life.
That’s the process: go back to what your heart wants. Get to the root of what you really want, and give compassion to ourselves for being human and for not being perfect, and for wanting something different. You can see what you need, then ask how you can support yourself for the thing that you need: for eating differently, for the person we want to become, or the job we want. How are you there for yourself?
That’s the solstice. That’s the beauty each time. Except it’s not just once a year when the light comes back. It’s in every day, and every moment. The solstice, the return of the light is in every moment, and you get to choose. The solstice is just a yearly reminder from nature of how to live our lives.
Now sometimes you may lose your way, and you may forget because- well, we all get lost. And that’s ok too, but there is the possibility in each moment. Sometimes just the right amount of confluence comes together and you can see it and you have an a-ha moment. “Man, I don’t want to do it any more, and I’m not going to.” I don’t want to eat that thing that made me feel not so good: sugar, wheat, dairy, whatever it is. And then we forget, and that’s OK. and then we remember, and we forget and we remember and we forget. And sometimes we just remember because we’ve forgotten so many times that the forgetting is what we need to actually remember! I’m going to say that again: The forgetting is what we need in order to remember. And that is amazing and it is beautiful, the leaves drop every year, the solstice comes every year. We forget what it’s like in the cold, and then we remember, we forget what it’s like when it’s light and then we remember. Over and over again.
So I want to tell you there is nothing wrong with you. Absolutely positively nothing wrong with you, and sometimes you may forget and you may get caught in the darkness of the shortest day of the year, and then you will remember. The light returns. And the trees, the earth, the sun, the creek, the wind, all want to tell you that there is nothing wrong with you.
We have a choice between choosing the shadow and the light. My encouragement this solstice is to light a candle, or have a fire (safely) in the backyard, somehow connect with that divine light that is within you and EVERY single person that is on this earth. You come from light, you are the light, and there is nothing wrong with you. Write yourself a reminder, record it on your phone, there is nothing wrong with you. And if you don’t believe that, then I want to encourage you to work with me or someone else that can see the divine light within you and hold that space of “enough” until you can see the light for yourself.